Encouraging Message to Christian Single Women | Take Back Your Temple | Christian Weight Loss
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Encouraging Message to Christian Single Women

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I received a public article comment from a single Christian woman, detailing her anger with God because she remains unmarried.

I thought my response to her might help other Christian single women who are dealing with similar feelings.

First, her original comment:

Hi Kim, you’re doing a wonderful job with this website and helping others in their struggles overcoming binge eating. I’m 30 years old and a backslider by way of having been angry with God for having never provided me with a husband.

Therefore fornication has been a recurrent theme throughout my life because I hate being alone, feeling unattractive and unwanted.

When I date I get praised for being beautiful, I get a lot of attention and I feel wanted. Most importantly, I don’t feel alone.

I’m angry with God because most of my young adult life I have been extremely obedient to Him, I’ve walked carefully in obedience to Him, in depth study and all day to night meditation upon His word.

Basically I have walked the walked for a long time but then I’ll have these periods of testing where God is not communicating clearly to me like He usually does (my relationship with God had been very intimate, powerful, and CLOSER then the skin I’m clothed in).

Most people would not even believe the ways and the swiftness of how my communication with the Lord had been bc my experiences are nothing short of SPIRITUAL.

Any way, when God gets silent I’m aware that it is only a test of my faith but the problem is this: I haven’t been able to accept He’s silence!

Why would He take away from the only real relationship (aside from the relationship I have with my parents and cousins) I have when I’m already struggling with loneliness being void of a mate.

I have gotten so angry with Him; I have stopped and asked the Holy Spirit to search my heart to make sure there were not unrepentant sins within my life that I hadn’t own up to but had found nothing; I was humble and sincere before the Lord but He was being quiet.

When this happens after long periods of beautiful communion with God I am angry bc I feel as though I’ve done everything He has required of me but somehow I’m not fit to be MARRIED.

Now what am I supposed to do when God you are being silent, have not given me a mate and the world, the flesh and the devil continue after my soul?

I am beautiful, no kids and accomplished. I have millionaires wanting to take me out to dinner who are not walking with the Lord. I haven’t had television for over seven years on purpose to help not feed the desires of my own flesh for material things, etc.

I have been so careful for years on end to never make provision for my sin by giving up tv, only listening to Christian radio, reading the bible daily in depth, prayer, church, guarding who I associate myself with; I mean everything!!!!!

But I’m ALONE without a mate and my God gives me these mysterious periods of silence so currently I am dating three very wealthy men all at the same time to avoid being alone and bc I’m angry with God.

As a result of my sin I often feel like God is going to cast me into Hell therefore I feel like since I’ve already lost my soul I could careless about anything else so I’ve been living a life of leisure, spending money, and YES BINGE EATING bc I hate myself for having fallen once again into temptation.

I know the bible says to never think that you stand lest you fall and I have always remembered that but yet I end up FALLING and Falling so hard!

Sometimes I honestly wished that I were never created bc at least I wouldn’t go to Hell. I have tried over and over again but I fall!

Here was my response to her:

Hi Erica,

I appreciate your honesty about what you are feeling. Your raw emotions are coming through loud and clear. But, do me a favor.

Take a step back, close your eyes, and remember why and when you accepted Jesus as your Savior. He is the author and finisher of your faith.

No mention of Him was made in your letter to me. I think that is the reason you are feeling lost, angry, unloved, and confused without validation of your worth from a man.

It sounds like you have done all of the “good girl” things: According to your own report, you said that you have been obedient to God in study and meditation on God’s word.

You said that you have an intimate, powerful relationship with God.

However, I am hearing many things in your letter that contradict the word.

God is not the author of confusion, so your confusion is coming from the enemy. So let’s start by clearing up a few things:

You said:

…having been angry with God for having never provided me with a husband. Therefore fornication has been a recurrent theme throughout my life because I hate being alone, feeling unattractive and unwanted.”

While I don’t doubt that you are angry with God because you don’t have a husband, you have accepted the lies of the enemy as truth without question – which is feeding your anger and causing a rift in your relationship with God.

Here is the truth:

  • You may be lonely at times, but you are never alone: “And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed (Deuteronomy 31:8).”
  • You are not unattractive: “I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well (Psalm 139:14).”
  • You are not unwanted: “When I passed by you again and looked upon you, indeed your time was the time of love; so I spread My wing over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I swore an oath to you and entered into a covenant with you, and you became Mine,” says the Lord God (Ezekiel 16:8).”

Erica, in all of your years of studying God’s word, have you not concluded that it is a book of love that details God’s love for mankind – for you?

You cannot have a genuine relationship with God without believing that He loves you and wants the best for you.

He already gave you His best. He gave you His Son to save you from sin:

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16).”

Without that, you will believe that He is withholding something good from you that you desperately need. The latter situation is the same one that tempted Eve in the garden of Eden.

Remember, Satan got her because he made her focus on the one tree she couldn’t have rather than focus on enjoying the dozens, perhaps hundreds of trees to which God gave her free access.

You said:

I am angry (because) I feel as though I’ve done everything He has required of me but somehow I’m not fit to be MARRIED. Now what am I supposed to do when God you are being silent, have not given me a mate and the world, the flesh and the devil continue after my soul? I am beautiful, no kids and accomplished. I have millionaires wanting to take me out to dinner who are not walking with the Lord.”

Erica, ask yourself: “Do I believe I am saved because of my ‘good works’? Or do I believe that I am saved because I believed in my heart and confessed with my mouth that Jesus is Lord?’

Will I only walk with the Lord as long as He’s doing what I THINK He ought to do?

Will I abandon my faith when I don’t get my own way?”

These are very serious questions. What you have written says to me that when God doesn’t do what you think He ought to do, then you stamp your feet, throw a tantrum, and use that as an excuse to backslide.

You said,

I feel as though I’ve done everything He has required of me but somehow I’m not fit to be MARRIED.”

Okay, it is clear that you want a husband and you want to be married. But have you focused on creating the character of a Godly wife? Because there will be TWO people in your marriage.

The Bible says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord (Proverbs 18:22).”

You said that you are dating rich men who don’t even know the Lord. How can a man love you the way God wants Him to love you if He doesn’t even know Christ?

God calls husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church (see Ephesians 5:25). He calls them to love them with a sacrificial love.

Would any of these men you are dating be willing to give up their lives to save your life – or are they just out for a good time?

Erica, if you are not happy without a husband, you won’t be happy with one! Why? Because you are looking for a mere mortal man to fill places in your heart that only God can fill.

The anger you are feeling toward God right now? You are going to unleash it on your husband!

You will be putting expectations on that man that he can’t possibly live up to. And you will destroy any marriage you get.

If you can’t be satisfied with a PERFECT God, then you will never be satisfied with an imperfect man.

Think about another thing: Suppose the man you marry has the following issues:

  • Suppose he’s wealthy when you marry him, but his business takes a downturn and he loses all his money. Will you still love him?
  • Suppose he suffers an accident and is no longer able to make love to you. Will you leave him or have an affair on him?
  • Suppose he has a crisis of faith. Will you be able to be that Rock of encouragement and strength to exhort him to keep walking with the Lord and hold on?

Being a Godly wife is not for wimps! Your message was all “I, I, I.” But marriage is about serving one another and meeting the other person’s needs.

The only reason God will give you a husband is because the two of you will be able to accomplish things for His kingdom that you couldn’t have done by yourselves.

God will never send you a man who you will make God in your life. In your mind, you have elevated this desire to have a husband almost to that level.

Hear this, Erica. God sent me my husband when I was 45 years old. He was WELL worth waiting for.

I love my husband more than anyone else in the world, but I still love God more than I love my husband.

And my husband loves God more than he loves me. That’s the way it ought to be!

We have a great marriage because I am secure, knowing that my husband fears (reverences) God so much that he wants to do those things that please God more than he wants his own way. So he treats me well.

If I were in your shoes, here is what I would do:

  1. Go back to your first love. For now, your Maker is your husband (Isaiah 54:5): http://www.everystudent.com/features/gettingconnected.html
  2. Get a revelation about how much God loves you, just as you are: https://www.takebackyourtemple.com/gods-love-letter-to-you/
  3. Start preparing yourself to become a Godly wife for a Godly man with these books:

One thing I did as a single woman was to stop praying to God to give me a husband. I diverted my energy to praying FOR my husband, whoever and wherever he was.

I figured that even though I didn’t know him yet, I could do good for him by keeping him covered in prayer every day.

As a married woman, it’s still a habit I have, so if you want a blessed marriage, you better get started now!

I am praying for you Erica. You need to have God heal your heart and get your relationship right with him in this season.

Trust that he will withhold no good thing from you, but He is God. He created the Universe – the mountains, the stars, the oceans, and you – remember?

He has the right to choose when and where to give His gifts to you.

In Christian love,

Kim

Kimberly Taylor

Creator of the ‘Take Back Your Temple’ program

https://www.takebackyourtemple.com/program

Note: This article may be freely reprinted or distributed in its entirety in any e-zine, newsletter, blog or website. The author’s name, bio and website links must remain intact and be included with every reproduction.

Be sure to check out my Amazon Author page: https://www.amazon.com/author/kimberlyytaylor

  • Patricia Colvin says:

    This letter is kind of sad to read but I hear everything that was said, from my experience, I was looking for things in all the wrong places, my vice was alcohol till God delivered me, then I hit rock bottom and that’s where you need to get my friend rock bottom, so that Jesus can come and take you out the pit your in, and only Jesus can do that, you angry at God because you dont have a mate, well I have to be honest with you, your not ready for a mate, till all other things are dealt with, marriage is not a fix it solution, for all the stuff that is going on in your life already, let Jesus make you whole first, be your all and all, he is the only one that change you, you are never alone if you allow him in your life. From my experience I wanted a relationship with anyone so I wouldnt be lonely, but I didnt go down the road in fornication or anything like that, because I believed my life was worth value, so I waited till Lord sent me someone, but first he had to work on my heart, and other stuff that was going on, and thats where you need to get, cry out to him he will hear you and deliver you. Die to self because right now its to be all about you. Gal 2:20 Yes your hurting and I can understand alot of what you are saying, but let go and God. I waited for God send me the right person and I am sooooooooo truely blessed. I am 45 now isnt the best worth waiting for when its the Lord. Reach out to Jesus today he is right there waiting for you.

  • Linda says:

    Hi Erica, I can really understand your pain and frustration. I’ve been single for most of my adult life so I can really relate to what you are saying, but please take heed to what Kim is saying. Everything she has written is wisdom from God. God really loves you and he wants to be the true love of your life. The Lord wants first place in your heart. In addition, he wants to have a close and intimate relationship with you because he wants you to experience what true unconditional love is. And, as you bask in his love the Lord will prepare you for your mate. Yet, Erica I know you want human love, but the love of Christ is the only love that can fill your empty soul as Kim has said. Believe me, God’s love will bring you joy and happiness that no one can ever take from you. Erica I’ve prayed for a husband for over 20 years and now at 48 the Lord has blessed me with the man of my dreams! And I’m soooooo glad I waited for the Lord because he has blessed me with more than what I asked for. My future husband is Godly and he is really into me as know other man has ever been before. Erica, please wait for God. Talk to him about your anger, your fears, and your doubts and he will help you with whatever emotions that you are troubling you.

  • S Robinson says:

    Erica,

    Kim could not have given you a better answer. She spoke the truth through God’s word. You sound wounded and hurt. I pray that you open your heart and allow our Father to heal you. I have learned in the last year or so that its ok to ask God for what you desire, but its much better to let His will be done and allow Him to give you what He sees fit. His are always better! So that is what I request more often. Sending love your way….

  • Sharon Fields says:

    Kimberly Taylor what an awesome response to this letter. I am 42 and still unmarried, I have been in this place but not recently. Lately, I have been I have met men that wanted me to compromise but I wold not buckled so I have been labelled fake. I have been told that I will always be unmarried because I will not compromise.

  • Cherre says:

    I understand what Erica is going through. I’m 42 never been married and have no children. I understand Godly love, but I desire the human love of a man-my husband. God didn’t just leave Adam to talk to the animals nor Him. He gave Adam a human mate that he could touch/feel/talk to. Why shouldn’t we want the same in the form of a spouse? God didn’t tell Adam you’ve got me and you don’t need anybody else so I’m just going to keep you to myself. I’m frustrated and I’m also angry w/God. I’ve been on the same mountain going in circles. The men I meet always ends up marrying someone else. I now feel rejected and abandoned by God and the men (males). That does a lot to your self esteem for it to happen over and over again. The last time I even did something different so I could get a differnent outcome. Well, same outcome. I just found out he got married a couple of months ago. I’m tired and don’t care anymore.

  • Tina says:

    Hello Kimberly
    This article really spoke to me.
    I want to so thank -you for putting it on screen.
    Most of the things this lady was bothered with also spoke to me..
    I used to also date a unchristian man.( felt a deep guilt when i did,but kept on for 3-5 years like that).
    That has been almost 10 years ago now.
    I have really cleaned up my life to make My Abba God proud of me..
    I very often run out of Patience while I wait on My God to fill my heart with a Husband..
    And even when i read this I still sat here and said to God How very sorry I was for hurting His Heart..
    so Thank-You again..
    Please Pray for a Husband for me..
    I have already been doing what you have said ,, about praying for my future husband and knowing Full well that it will be Gods timing,, because I want God to Bring US together,, that way I will know without a shadow of a doudt that it is My God doing it…
    May God Bless you–in the Name of Jesus..
    Love/Hugs—Tina Penner

  • Tina says:

    Forgot to tell You how long I have wanted a Husband.. And asked a million times for one..
    My husband left me in 1986.( was married for 12yrs.). Had a number of very unhealthy relationships, that did not have God in them..
    So here Iam at 54 and waiting on God to do it this time.
    I have full Faith and Believe in Him..
    Praise and Honour and Glory to God
    In Jesus name Amen

  • Riane says:

    Dear Kim,thanks for posting this article. It seriously serve as a conformation for me and let me know that I’m on the right path.Everything you have advised Erica to do are things that I’ve incorporated in my life especially in this last year and I am so grateful for the progress that the Lord is doing in my life as a result of yielding my will to His.I take comfort in knowing that my husband will materialize before me in God’s timing. I’m praying for him already. Thanks for the insight and encouragement Kim!

  • Paula says:

    Kim thank you for speaking the truth in LOVE. Erica does not know how valuable she is and is trying to find worth in a man which will lead to disappointment every time. We have to be selective of what we ask for because we just may get it (a husband and not a true man of God). Your advise to Erica to begin to to focus on the characteristics of a Godly Wife is key but God cannot fill something that is already full so she also needs to surrender all and allow the Lord to heal those deep wounds and soften her heart so she can receive from him. Marriage is hard work and should not be entered into just so you are no longer alone. I pray that Erica will become content in Christ and trust God, He knows the plans He has for her. LOVE WINS!!!

  • Elaine says:

    Erica I’m for your pain.What Kim is telling you is all true wait on God at all cost! I’ve been in a marriage for 33 years I was not born again at the time I was so in love with my husband,I put this man before me and he hurt me so bad.He broke vows he had several affairs,he left me and our children for the other woman,I was so very hurt.I didn’t know how I was going to make ends meet I had a home to pay for that was 3 months behind all this came to light when he left me so please don’t be mad at God this could have been you.

    Seven months later I took him back he lied and said that he was going to do better that was a ball face lie,he got worst before things got better.I gave my life to Jesus in the 90’s he gave his life to Jesus about 3 months ago..The love that I once had in my heart for my husband is gone he rip it out of my heart,and yes I forgave him and we are still together and as to this day i don’t know why? If I could turn back the hand of time I would be single and yes waiting On my God.I’m in a marriage and I feel alone but I know that I’m not alone because God is always with me, and will always be with me.I Pray that Erica will always that God is worth waiting on for your Godly Husband…

  • Elaine says:

    Erica: I meant to say I feel your pain.I am for no one being in pain,please forgive me for any type-O’s..

  • Maryfrances says:

    Hi Christian Sisters, I can relate to many of your responses. I separated in 2000 and yes I started to date and one day the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart to surrender my all. In 2002 I gave up dating and nobody could have told me that I would still be single today. I did not divorce legally til 2008, wishful thinking for a marriage that was not of God. I understand now that I was broken and needed God’s divine healling in my life and he is working on me. At 55 I get leary about “when”:) but I keep holding on to God’s hands because I know he knows what best for me/us. Let’s stay in Prayer for each other and know that God will keep and comfort us. Let me share this; I have a faithful christioan sister that waited patiently on the Lord and married her soulmate at 60 yrs yung. He ask her as a wedding gift to retired and now they travel the world. God is faithful!! I heard it said God will not make our mate and not give them to us. I’m going to trust GOD…Pray for me, I’ll Pray for you.

  • Kristen says:

    What an amazing response. Most of us single women can relate to Erica’s struggles–which she shared so honestly. But Kimberly, what you said is exactly what we need to hear. God is perfect, and his ways and love are perfect. Trusting in him is the only way through this life, married or single. I am encouraged today to trust him, no matter what. Thank you so much for speaking the truth in love.

  • Shonta says:

    First I would like to start off by saying, Thank you for my sister Erica for exposing the real you and the struggles that you have or are going through. By sharing your story will minister unto sisters who may or may not be going through what you have went through in your life.

    I would like to also give a big thank you to Our Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ who is the author and finisher of Our faith!!! I thank Him for His grace and His unconditional love.

    The Lord has lead me to pray for every single Christian Women of God around the world. I understand in the society and the culture we live in can be a challenge to live holy and pure for God. However, God is able to give us His strength to endure. There are times in my own life that I really wrestle with being single. There are times when I am mad with the Lord. There are times that I must rebuke my flesh for trying to rise up. There are times when I want someone to hold me, other than my Lord. There are times when I just want the companionship of a Godly man who seeks after the Lord each and every moment of his life. But I will not forget the scripture, Psalms 37:4 “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” And I believe that He will, in due time. Will the Lord bless my husband with giving him the gift of me. I know that I am a gift.

    This is my prayer for every single women of God, ” In the name of Jesus we come boldly to your throne room asking that you Lord that you will comfort us in our times of loneliness and that you will us hide under your wing. And that the thoughts of not being good enough and yearning for a man of God will mot plague our mind. The adversary is a liar. I rebuke the devil and the lies of the devil in your mighty and precious name. Cover us single women, daughters of you with your blood. For we want to live holy and pure unto and you and our husbands. We want to be examples for other women and men, to know that there are single women out here in the world who are living for the Lord. My prayer is also that while we are waiting that we will keep Our Focus on our Lover- the Lord Jesus. That in times when our flesh and feelings want to take over, that we will bow before Him in prayer and tell the Lord, I need you right now. Help me Jesus!!!!! The other prayer is when the Lord blesses us, that will use our testimony to edify His kingdom, by telling our story. My other prayer is, before the Lord blesses us that we will be humble to the ways in which He is teaching us on how to be the Proverbs 31 woman (the virtuous woman of God) and allow the Lord to teach us to be His Lady in His Kingdom, so that when that man of God comes along he will know how to respect us as a lady in the Lord’s kingdom. And lastly, my wonderful beautiful gems, patience…and Don’t settle for the counterfeits. Our Husbands, God is preparing Him right now, I don’t know when He is coming but He is coming. Blessings to each and everyone who reads this. Amen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Kim T says:

      Wow, Shonta – what a wonderful, powerful prayer! I am so blessed God gave it to you to minister to the single women who might read it. I know it ministers to me because I can say that God always rewards obedience. A Godly husband is worth waiting for. Like you and Erica, I went through my times of loneliness, lack of patience, and even anger. But I always came back to the simple facts: God loves me. God wants what is best for me. God knows when the time is right for me to be married. And so, I waited but I used the waiting time to get ready to receive! Thanks again for this prayer and to God be the glory!

  • Robin says:

    Wow! I’m a 46 year old single female who has been praying for more than 20 years for a husband. it wasn’t so bad at first becasue I still had friends who were unmarried. It was great I always had people around and things to do every weekend. So I didn’t care about having a husband. My social life was outstanding and I had a job in which I would travel alot. i enjoyed it. Well, all my friends are married with children and very busy. I’m alone alot. it hurt so much. I didn’t worry about finding a spouse in my twenties or even early to mid-thirties. However, when i turned 42 years old it got real. i trusted God but now I’m in a panic. Trusting him lead me to this long singleness. I feel like I should have been more worried back years go. I can’t trust God in this area of my life. I tried and tried again to let it go to him. i just can’t. He know who much it hurts and how much I need to hear from. I want hear something from God. To me a “NO’ is better than 20 years of dead silence and at least I could move on and accept it. He had so much time to work things out. I’m getting older. I wanted children but unless I get a miracle in the next couple of days. I can kiss it good bye. My biological clock is winding down so fast. i feel like i can hear the count down like watching the ball drop in Time Square on New year’s eve. My spirit is so anxious. No amount of prayer quiets that. The more I pray the worse I feel (the more anxious I become). i keep saying to my self God can see how old i am. i’m not getting any younger. What is going on? am I invisible? I feel invisible. I can’t pray anymore for husband. I’m all prayed out. EVerytime I pray, i become angry. i watched everyone around me get married. I was happy for everyone. I just knew I would be next, but i’m not next. my friends children are getting married. I saw them grow up from babies. i baby sat some of them. i don’t understand. i just don’t. this is not the life I wanted. I can’t be this is my life. My friends got amazing men. they have problems like anyone else but they have someone great to share those experiences with, which they will tell you makes it easier for them to go through the hard times. I try to keep busy by doing one charitable thing after the other (volunteering at soup kitchens and food pantries and so on). none of those good things fill the man size hole that I feel. only a husband can feel that. I know I have God, but God is not human. He doesn’t hold me at night. I can’t touch him. he doesn’t touch me. He listen but doesn’t answer. it takes years for an answer. I need to talk and have a real conversation. It would be nice to have someone to talk to. it would be nice to go on vacation with someone, a broadway show, a resturant with…alot of these things I have to do alone. I have a date night every friday nigt, but no date. It’s me alone going to a play or a concert alone in which I either go to a restaurant alone or make my self dinner. Eating in a restaurant alone is o hard. I want someone to talk to and laugh with while I eat. Just like I see in all the people aroung me. I end up people watching. My friends are so busy. They don’t have time to chat or meet for coffee or to meet at the mall anymore. If we do make plans, they cancel every single time. My only communication is through a text message once every couple of months, usually one sentence. I live that. It’s all I get. Their kids are getting older. most are in college so my friends are renewing wedding vows and rediscovering their relationships with their husbands. They go away on romantic weekend get aways and fabulous vacations just for two. i get to hear all the stories.I can’t even get a date because men in their forties are not as aggressive when they are younger. it’s like they forgot how to hunt. It is so disappointing. I have tried internating dating. It’s like a rollercoaster ride so many ups and downs, mostly downs and craziness. My head is spinning. I had to walk away from it. it depresses me to meet so many men who are crazy, or lazy or just interested in sex, angry, bitter over a divorce. This can’t be my life. this sucks.I don’t know what to do anymore. My companion seems to be work now. it’s all I got. I work from 7:00 am to 12:00 am 5 days a week, then it’s off to volunteering on the weekend. i just try to fill the loneliness but to be honest, it just numbs me. i get to forget about my troubles because I’m exhausted. I sleep like a log these days because my days are filled with stuff. Work is not the best companion but at least I’m not crying myself to sleep at night. i’m too exhausted. I don’t have the strength to pray about my situation anymore. My prayers are mostly about other people now. God seems to answer those prayer, but my prayers are never answered. if I pray for something for me, it seems like the prayer gets answered in some elses life. it’s kind of joke now. If you want your prayer answered exactly they way you want, I will pray for it in my life and it will be given to you. If you want the man of your dreams, I will pray for the man of my dreams and God will give my request not to me, but to you….lol…it happens so much it’s joke. i could make money off of it. It happens so much. I feel a real sense of urgency. No matter what I do, I can’t quiet my spirit. I’m a person of action. I have always been. Anything that i ever wanted I went after it and got it everytime. it doesn’t seem to work in my love life. I can’t control love or another person. i need God’s help. i know he can help, but he doesn’t. My life is ticking away and I’m afraid if i don’t do something soon my dream of finding a mate will be gone. I don’t want to find my spouse at 60 or 70 years old (that is so depressing, 60? 70? Please God I don’t want to have wait that long). i want the spouse now while there is still an ounce of hope left for the family I always wanted, but everyday that it doesn’t happen…then it will be impossible. I don’t see the purpose in that. I guess it’s ok for the person who doesn’t mind being that old getting married. That window of opportunity is close and I’m desperately trying to hold it open, but it’s getting harder to hold the door open. I’m fighting to keep that door open. it’s getting so heavy. My will is strong and I can’t stop fighting to have my desire filled. If I give my desire to God, he may take it away from me. i don’t want it taken from me. i want a chance to have that kind of love in my life too. why is it wrong for me to want it? Why is it wrong for me to want it but everyone else can have it? I can’t stop fighting God. If give to him, he will take it away. I’m trying figure out how I can prepare myself for it my spouse never comes. What will I do? I’m trying to put my coping plan into affect…I wish I could have peace. i just don’t. all I see is my age and time running out…that’s all i see. if I were 20 or 30, wouldn’t worry at all because i would still have time. if I don’t do something soon. I’ll have no chance.. I wish I could get rid of the desire it would make it easier to deal with…but it’s so strong. this desire is so strong. Nothing quiets it. Pray only intensifies because there is an expectation…there is a hope…

  • Diamond J. says:

    Sister Erica, thank you so much for your transparency, I’m sure many women can relate & appreciate you for sharing, I know I do. Please do take heed to the advice of author Kim though for her advice truly did feel spirit led & we are to have ears to hear the wise. According to her she’s basically
    been there, done that! I’m grateful to God that I scrolled across this post. Will share the link on FB in hopes that other women will read and be inspired also! God bless you both.

  • Paula says:

    Hi there,
    I have never written on anything like this before but I really just want to share my thoughts on the posts I’ve read so far on this subject of singleness. My name is Paula and I’m 22. I have recently been through a break up with someone whom I was so certain was to be my husband and I can honestly say that, as silly as this might sound, I’ve not been through anything so difficult in my walk with God before. However, at the same time as finding myself daily fighting to keep my joy in the Lord, despite losing what was so precious to me, I am so thankful for this trial in what God has taught me through it. Singleness frightens me and I came across this post thinking I would find something that would help but instead, after reading some of the comments, I felt more afraid of it than ever. I don’t want to be single and without a family, it’s something that I desire deeply and the thought that this could not only be a possibility but on top of that to possibly be older and still feel the desperation and deep sadness in not finding a husband really frightened me. However (praise God :)) God has been teaching me a few things and I hope that if anything this can be an encouragement to anyone who is struggling with the fear of singleness; When I broke up with my boyfriend, I really fell into a deep sadness which at times scared me. I knew it was what God wanted me to do and as difficult as it was and still is now, obedience was and is the only option. I couldn’t understand why I felt so sad and why it was such a struggle to feel the same hope and joy as I had when I was in a relationship. As time passed, God started to show me that deep in my heart I had set my roots and foundation, my hope and joy in having my boyfriend and not in my relationship with Him. With my boyfriend came the hope of a husband, a family and the life I’ve always desired. But without him, everything seemed so uncertain and almost like the hope in my life had been lost (stupid I know!). The Holy Spirit helped me to realise that as a christian I couldn’t live like that. I couldn’t place my desires for a husband and a family as an idol in my heart. What I really want to say is that as women of god, whether single or not, I think that we find it so natural to find our joy, hope and security in our relationship status and not in our God. I remember reading in Nehemiah a passage that said ‘the joy of the Lord is your strength.’ and wondering what it really meant. Jesus always spoke of our joy being complete and time and again I would remember that the joy of what Jesus was to achieve through the cross helped him to endure it. Surely then, if this joy is real, if I/we can find this fullness of joy in something other than a husband, we should be striving for it more than the time we spend praying for a husband. If our god is, as the bible says and as the heavens declare, good and bursting with love beyond measure, surely he is what our hearts should desire. And if he is not, surely we should strive to make him the desire of our hearts. What God has shown me as well is the fact that marriage is not eternal. There is no marriage in heaven. Therefore as much as we want it, we have not been made for it! We have been made by and for God alone. I have found that when in my deepest sadness and fear over the prospect of singleness, immersing myself in reading about God’s love and the beauty and excitement of the trinity fills my heart with joy again and slowly I am removing this idol of a husband from my heart and replacing it with my true husband and lover who is eternal.
    Obedience to submit to God is so difficult, but if he is as lovely as the bible says he is and as we know him to be, surely he would never allow us to experience anything that was not for our good. Even if it means we are to give up what we think we want and what we think will give us greatest joy.
    I am slowly learning that truly the greatest joy I can ever find, and any christian can find can never be in a husband, but only in the father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. For Him we should all be willing to take down the idols of husbands and marriage in our hearts for He is much greater and much more worthy than anything our hearts can desire. If he created our hearts, how much more does he know what is good and right for us than we know ourselves. (even if that does mean singleness! :O ) And lastly, my life, and your life, as followers of Jesus, are not our own. We were made for God’s glory and to demand or even expect God to give us a husband when he already gives us everything that we need, cannot be right. We are to be willing to lose our lives for Christ and as much as I struggle with this, for me that means giving up any right I feel I have to a marriage and family. But in doing that I remember, if God gave his son for me in absolute, perfect love and joyful generosity, how else am I and are we to respond but to give him our hearts and lives. ‘Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked. For the Lord is a sun and a shield; The Lord bestows favour and honour; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. O Lord Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you.’ Psalm 84

  • Inga M. Ragland says:

    Thanks everyone for sharing your testimonies. Ive felt the same way at times. But its nothing like learning from the older single women that have a relationship with the Lord in their singleness……….

  • Annette says:

    What an awesome reminder of God’s love. I received sooooo much from your response. Patience. Perseverance. Encouragement. He gave His best. Utilize my time nowcto pray FOR my husband, not for A husband. That was powerful!

  • Fiona says:

    Dear Sisters, I have just discovered this website and thanks be to God for the honesty shown here. I have struggled with loneliness, over-eating, divorce and bringing up my kids on my own. Boy, have I felt that God was not listening sometimes but last night He revealed all, He is never late. I became a Christian when I was 14 years old, 35 years ago, but I had not really surrendered my whole life, my whole being to Him. In times of utter despair He has saved me but all too often my faith has weakened. I have been writing the script, wanting Him to make it come true. I made food my idol, focussed on status and materialism. Last night I surrendered – I prayed that the Lord would take me and do whatever he wanted with my life. I am ready to give up my job, sell my house – anything, because my life is in His hands. It took the Israelites 40 years to escape from Egypt to the Promised Land, a journey that should only have taken 11 days. I know I have been in the wilderness 35 years. God always delivers when we least expect it. My daughters have recently left home to go to university and college and last week, Mothering Sunday in the UK, my heart broke as my eldest got on the train. I couldn’t bear the thought of being alone, no companionship. God gave me the strength to bring my girls up to lead their own lives and I will not have them worrying about me. I prayed,listened to sermons on Christian radio and read the Bible. “Knock and I will answer”. Sisters do not despair no matter how frustrated and depressed you are. The word ringing in my ears is Hope, He loves us. God Bless.

  • Tamara says:

    I feel the same amount of anger towards God. So I can relate except I’m 40.I can’t go anywhere without men gawking at me yet I remain single. I no longer have any single girlfriends as of last November. Why? Because husbands fell in their laps and they didn’t even want one. I was the only one that always longed for and talked about and prayed for a husband. They called me crazy for wanting to be married. I was the one that was burning up while being celebate while they were getting their fix. They enjoyed single life. But now I’m left standing without even a boyfriend or dating anyone serious. No man I meet wants to be with just one woman. So I’ve become bitter, angry, and envious. Its all so out of my character. But feeling left behind will do that. As if being single is not bad enough I have to find new female friends because their men take all of their time. And they definitely don’t want no single attractive woman around their brand new man. So I feel shunned on top of unwanted. So who do I blame and is angry with? God. Why is it that people that are not even trying to do right get what people that are doing right wants? I’ve gotten to the point I’m tired of congratulating people after 9 years of begging God to please take me off the market with all these no good men only wanting sex and no relationship. I’m 2 seconds from just settling at least I’ll feel that I’m alive. I’ve even begged God to just take the desire away of wanting marriage. I just want to be left with no feelings for anything. I don’t understand how people long for something that is in the bible and can not get! Marriage is in the bible! Its become so hard for me to pray about anything anymore because I can’t help feeling so cursed. So I don’t pray I just cry all of the time while my heart break and bleed over and over and over.

  • Robin P. says:

    This article was very helpful to me. I too am a single Christian who has never been married and I am 35 years old. At one point I was always saying that I am struggling with being single but God spoke firmly to me one day after making that comment. He told me to stop saying that. He told me that I wasn’t struggling but that I was overcoming. Those spoken words gave me so much confidence and courage. I am still overcoming and at times my hope in God blessing me with a husband sometimes wavers. I often ask God to forgive me for being hopeless on the matter and I continually pray for contentment and ask that he would help my unbelief when my faith wavers. Gods grace is sufficient and he is a sustainer. After reading this article, I decided that I would prepare myself to be a godly wife by being a godly wife in my relationship with God…to be faithful, pleasing, and a woman after God’s own heart.

    • Great post, Robin – and I LOVE your last statement about being a godly wife in your relationship to God! That is a great way to look at it because your attitude when being single is going to follow you into marriage. Thank you for sharing!

  • Diane K says:

    Kimberly,

    Your reply to Erica should be framed and hung on the bedroom wall of every Christian single woman! I’ll be celebrating my 57th birthday this month. I was saved 20 years ago and I’ve never married. I killed my only child in an abortion when I was still lost. After I got saved, I took a class at church for women who have had abortions. Then I took a class for women who have been abused. At the time, I thought that being such a mess was the reason I had never married. But there were women in my class who had acted just as crazy who were married and the husbands stuck with them during the crazy times…so there goes that theory!

    After becoming a Christian and taking these classes, I thought I’d start dating a Christian man. I never went on a date after being saved. It was as if I was invisible! Believe me, I wasn’t always gracious about it in my attitude and heart.

    I’m not offering any new advice. You really said it in your response. I am posting to let ladies know that God is good, His love for you was settled on the Cross, there are more women than men in the world and who should be better able to live single than a woman who has Almighty God as her Husband? We all desire to have a “ministry” that will draw others to Jesus. Other women are watching you to see what difference your God makes in your life. They aren’t drawn to “give up” their life of sin for a God Who just puts more rules on them and doesn’t give them peace and victory.

    Camp yourself on Philippians 4:6-8, Ephesians 4:17-19 (actually, keep reading to the end of the chapter!) and any other verses you find helpful. Remember that our life on earth isn’t the final stop. This is the only time we will have struggles and tears. Will we face our sweet Jesus and regret that we treated Him so lightly?

    • Diane K says:

      I just realized that today is the anniversary of my salvation! June 10, 1995 was the day the Holy Spirit drew me to the Lord and I repented of 37 years of sin. I had visited a coworker’s church the week before and they were going to have a prayer clock on Saturday, June 10. I signed up for 9:00-10:00 a.m. to pray for an hour. I had never prayed for 5 minutes! That week I read James. At 9:00 a.m. I got on my knees in front of the sofa to begin praying. The prayer began, “I don’t have a right to pray to You because You are not my God…” and so began 40 minutes of confession. I couldn’t confess fast enough! All the poison of sin pouring out at the feet of my Lord Jesus. I excused myself to find a tissue and blow my nose. There was 20 minutes left on the prayer hour so I got back on my knees. That’s when I first felt peace. I had never realized that during those 37 years, I was the enemy of God. NOW I was His child and the peace and love and acceptance I’d tried to get from men, food, booze, shopping, was finally MINE! A FREE GIFT from my loving Father! He’d been wanting to give me this for so long. He’d been watching and waiting and yearning and wooing me and NOW I was HIS! That’s my testimony of the all powerful, all wonderful, all loving, all holy God, the Father, and the Son and the Holy Spirit. AMEN and AMEN!

  • The Truth Is says:

    Sometimes a very good man like me will certainly blame God for my singleness which i then realized that it is the type of women that we now have out there since they have really changed since the old days when meeting a real nice good woman back then definitely would’ve been much easier at that time the way that our family members had it. Most women unfortunately have really changed for the worst of all since they usually want a very rich man nowadays since these women expect only the best of all and will never settle for less. Since so many women today now have a career making a six figure income they’re now so very extremely high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, and so very money hungry as well these days which certainly tells the whole story right there unfortunately. They will never ever go with a man that makes much less money than they make since it is always about money all the time for them. Most women in the old days were never at all like the ones that we now have out there today since both men and women were struggling as it was to make ends meat back then since they really accepted one another as well since they were very poor back then to begin with as well. I always wanted to get married and have a family and never did i expect this to happen to me to still be a single man today that really hates growing old alone all by myself which really does suck especially when the holidays come around since i really hate them anyway. There was really know such thing as a high maintenance woman in those days except for the ones that were actresses at that time that were making movies like the famous stars that we once had in those days. So finding real love for many of us good men has certainly become such a real challenge for us now since many of us are really not to blame at all since the women of today really are. Yes it is very true that the women in those days back then really did put these women today to real shame altogether since it does take two too tango.

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